The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward
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- Create Date：2022-04-09 20:21:38
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Daniel H. Pink
- ISBN：B098VRLZ2H
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Summary
From Daniel H。 Pink， the #1 New York Times-bestselling author of When and Drive， a new book about the transforming power of that crucial and misunderstood emotion， regret。
"Regret is not dangerous or abnormal， it is healthy and universal， an integral part of being human，" Daniel H。 Pink writes in his provocative and eye-opening new book。 "Done right， it needn't bring us down; it can lift us up。"
Drawing from new research in social psychology， neuroscience， biology， and more， as well as from more than ten thousand people in thirty-five countries around the world who responded to his World Regret Survey--the largest of its kind ever conducted--Pink challenges the idea of regret being a drag on our self-esteem and outlook。 In fact， understanding how regret actually works and using those insights to reframe our perspective of it will help us reclaim regret as an indispensable emotion that can help us make smarter decisions， perform better at work and school， and bring greater meaning to our lives。
As he did in his other paradigm-changing books When， Drive， and A Whole New Mind， Pink sets down a dynamic new way of thinking about regret and frames his ideas in ways that are clear， accessible， and pragmatic。 Packed with true stories of people's regrets as well as practical takeaways for reimagining regret as a positive force in your own life， this book shows how we can live richer， more engaged lives--with no regrets。
"Regret is not dangerous or abnormal， it is healthy and universal， an integral part of being human，" Daniel H。 Pink writes in his provocative and eye-opening new book。 "Done right， it needn't bring us down; it can lift us up。"
Drawing from new research in social psychology， neuroscience， biology， and more， as well as from more than ten thousand people in thirty-five countries around the world who responded to his World Regret Survey--the largest of its kind ever conducted--Pink challenges the idea of regret being a drag on our self-esteem and outlook。 In fact， understanding how regret actually works and using those insights to reframe our perspective of it will help us reclaim regret as an indispensable emotion that can help us make smarter decisions， perform better at work and school， and bring greater meaning to our lives。
As he did in his other paradigm-changing books When， Drive， and A Whole New Mind， Pink sets down a dynamic new way of thinking about regret and frames his ideas in ways that are clear， accessible， and pragmatic。 Packed with true stories of people's regrets as well as practical takeaways for reimagining regret as a positive force in your own life， this book shows how we can live richer， more engaged lives--with no regrets。
Reviews
Niniane
，
Regrets can spur us into action and make us more cautious， so they have an upside。 The book has a few quirks such as lionizing Bezos， and citing biased stats （e。g。 saying no one regretted becoming a parent， when other anonymous studies had 20% regret）。
Vinda
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Kept reading this book 10 pages at a time hoping to glean something helpful， however， I could not。 Got to chapter 14 full of false information learning towards satanic。 Definitely wish I had the lost time back reading this。
Annie Valdes
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Second half was better than the first。
Rob Trecek
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Pink at it again with a phenomenal look at regret！ Four core regrets operate as a photographic negative of a good life。 Best line in the book。 Regret makes us human， regret makes us better。 Regret gives us hope！A worthwhile read for sure！
Brad
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A quick read。 Daniel Pink really did pad this book but after putting in the amount of research he put into this， who can blame him？ I really did learn a lot from this book。 I subscribe to Pink's "Pinkcasts" and they consistently tackle small issues with insight and practical， effective suggestions。 This book is no different， but it could have imparted the same info in an article in， say， "Psychology Today。" For this reason I'm glad I got this from the library rather than shelling out $28 for it。 A quick read。 Daniel Pink really did pad this book but after putting in the amount of research he put into this， who can blame him？ I really did learn a lot from this book。 I subscribe to Pink's "Pinkcasts" and they consistently tackle small issues with insight and practical， effective suggestions。 This book is no different， but it could have imparted the same info in an article in， say， "Psychology Today。" For this reason I'm glad I got this from the library rather than shelling out $28 for it。 I may consider buying my own copy when it comes out in paperback or when I find a copy at a used bookstore。 。。。more
Ayesha Ratnayake
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Daniel Pink's love letter to regret is compelling， with rich insights into the biggest regrets of 20，000 people around the world。 The key takeaways for reducing regret？ Be kind， cultivate strong relationships and rebuild broken ties。 Take the trouble to set a good foundation for your future by investing in education and saving money。 While you're at it， be bold， choose action over inaction and live your own life rather than the life others want for you。While learning from others' regrets is valu Daniel Pink's love letter to regret is compelling， with rich insights into the biggest regrets of 20，000 people around the world。 The key takeaways for reducing regret？ Be kind， cultivate strong relationships and rebuild broken ties。 Take the trouble to set a good foundation for your future by investing in education and saving money。 While you're at it， be bold， choose action over inaction and live your own life rather than the life others want for you。While learning from others' regrets is valuable， dwelling on your own doesn't seem a bright idea。 Recipe for rumination and depression， anyone？ Just grab the lesson and keep ploughing forward！ 。。。more
Victoria
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This was pretty interesting with a lot of research to back it up， but it was repetitive at times。 It references a lot of books that I now want to learn more about！
Pinar
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"Valla pişman olmak iyidir， aynı hataları tekrarlamazsınız"mış， "Pişman değilim" bir yalanmış。 İnsanlar （herhalde Amerikalılar） en çok akademik hayata dair， sonra da ilişkilere dair pişmanlık yaşıyormuş。 "Keşke şunu yapsaydım" diyenlerin sayısı "Keşke yapmasaydım" diyenlerden çokmuşmuş。Benim açımdan süper sıkıcı， süper ötesi gereksiz pişmanlık hikayeleriyle dolu， bir A4 kağıdın ön yüzüne sığabilecek bilgi/istatistik için gereksiz yere 239 sayfa doldurulmuş bir kitap。 Ama tabi yeterince pişman ol "Valla pişman olmak iyidir， aynı hataları tekrarlamazsınız"mış， "Pişman değilim" bir yalanmış。 İnsanlar （herhalde Amerikalılar） en çok akademik hayata dair， sonra da ilişkilere dair pişmanlık yaşıyormuş。 "Keşke şunu yapsaydım" diyenlerin sayısı "Keşke yapmasaydım" diyenlerden çokmuşmuş。Benim açımdan süper sıkıcı， süper ötesi gereksiz pişmanlık hikayeleriyle dolu， bir A4 kağıdın ön yüzüne sığabilecek bilgi/istatistik için gereksiz yere 239 sayfa doldurulmuş bir kitap。 Ama tabi yeterince pişman olmadığım için bu böyle kötü kitapları bile başlamışken bitiriyorum。 。。。more
Sara Hazel
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I have found that since I started reading this I have had a lot of conversations about regrets - and certainly loved being able to quote this book and some of the takeaways。 There is a fair amount of fluff， but there were strong nuggets of wisdom for me and actually some actionable steps to take。 I found myself resonating with some of the stories and wanting to be sure to learn from my regrets。 I listened to it on audiobook， which I think also helped make it more interesting。
Clark Freshman
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Goodness！ This is such garbage: pretentious， unoriginal， and devoid of insight。 It quotes hackneyed stories about perfect imperfect pottery， planting trees 20 years ago - or today etc。 I listened to in car and the voice is insufferable
Lori Gibbany
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The information was good， however reading this wad like watching wallpaper dry
Marcey Rader
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Disclaimer: I will read anything Daniel Pink writes。 I love his writing style， and topic picks。 This book gave me a lot of writer-downers， and had I not listened to it on audio （which is excellent） I would have made many Kindle highlights。That phrase No Regrets？ Total bullshit。 We WANT to have regrets。 If we didn't regret things， we wouldn't learn from them and would keep doing the same stuff repeatedly。 Did we hurt someone profoundly， or didn't say I love you on their deathbed？ And then we say Disclaimer: I will read anything Daniel Pink writes。 I love his writing style， and topic picks。 This book gave me a lot of writer-downers， and had I not listened to it on audio （which is excellent） I would have made many Kindle highlights。That phrase No Regrets？ Total bullshit。 We WANT to have regrets。 If we didn't regret things， we wouldn't learn from them and would keep doing the same stuff repeatedly。 Did we hurt someone profoundly， or didn't say I love you on their deathbed？ And then we say we have no regrets in our lives？ We do （or at least I hope we do） because then we wouldn't make that mistake again。I do reflections and lessons earned regularly。 I'm adding a regrets list as well。 Biggest takeaway？ We regret the things we DIDN'T do more than the things we did。 。。。more
Pitriyeh
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Everybody has regrets， Daniel H。 Pink explains in The Power of Regret。 They're a universal and healthy part of being human。 And understanding how regret works can help us make smarter decisions， perform better at work and school， and bring greater meaning to our lives。Drawing on research in social psychology， neuroscience， and biology， Pink debunks the myth of the "no regrets" philosophy of life。 And using the largest sampling of American attitudes about regret ever conducted as well as his own Everybody has regrets， Daniel H。 Pink explains in The Power of Regret。 They're a universal and healthy part of being human。 And understanding how regret works can help us make smarter decisions， perform better at work and school， and bring greater meaning to our lives。Drawing on research in social psychology， neuroscience， and biology， Pink debunks the myth of the "no regrets" philosophy of life。 And using the largest sampling of American attitudes about regret ever conducted as well as his own World Regret Survey--which has collected regrets from more than 15，000 people in 105 countries--he lays out the four core regrets that each of us has。 These deep regrets offer compelling insights into how we live and how we can find a better path forward。As he did in his bestsellers Drive， When， and A Whole New Mind， Pink lays out a dynamic new way of thinking about regret and frames his ideas in ways that are clear， accessible， and pragmatic。 Packed with true stories of people's regrets as well as practical takeaways for reimagining regret as a positive force， The Power of Regret shows how we can live richer， more engaged lives。 Less 。。。more
Tammy
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I listened to the audiobook。 The book is informative， especially the end where he talks about what to do with regrets。 the academic part is interesting， but unfortunately forgettable unless I took notes。 I didn't love the actors reading the submitted regrets， though I see why they chose to include them。 I listened to the audiobook。 The book is informative， especially the end where he talks about what to do with regrets。 the academic part is interesting， but unfortunately forgettable unless I took notes。 I didn't love the actors reading the submitted regrets， though I see why they chose to include them。 。。。more
Angie
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Regrets， we all have a few。 In the Power of Regret， Pink argues why we shouldn't live by the motto "No Regrets" because regrets actually make us better。 He outlines what he considers the four core regrets: foundational regrets， moral regrets， boldness regrets， and connection regrets。 He shares research on how to undo or reframe those regrets so we learn from them， and also the benefits （and drawbacks） of anticipating regret in order to make better decisions。 I do wish this was either really cond Regrets， we all have a few。 In the Power of Regret， Pink argues why we shouldn't live by the motto "No Regrets" because regrets actually make us better。 He outlines what he considers the four core regrets: foundational regrets， moral regrets， boldness regrets， and connection regrets。 He shares research on how to undo or reframe those regrets so we learn from them， and also the benefits （and drawbacks） of anticipating regret in order to make better decisions。 I do wish this was either really condensed into an article， or that he'd really gone into more depth on the topic。 As such， it occupies a not very satisfying middle ground for me。 。。。more
Marty
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Those of us who already thought regret was a useful emotion will like Pink's dogged determination to win everyone over to this idea， but I fear the "no regrets" crowd won't be listening。 No regrets is an attitude of I won't dare feel bad or uncomfortable， so， nothing I've done deserves re-examination。 Pink has gathered some fun anecdotes and lessons here。 What I enjoyed most about the book is how he's furthered the research， and learnings about regret， on this hard-to-study emotion。 I wish he'd Those of us who already thought regret was a useful emotion will like Pink's dogged determination to win everyone over to this idea， but I fear the "no regrets" crowd won't be listening。 No regrets is an attitude of I won't dare feel bad or uncomfortable， so， nothing I've done deserves re-examination。 Pink has gathered some fun anecdotes and lessons here。 What I enjoyed most about the book is how he's furthered the research， and learnings about regret， on this hard-to-study emotion。 I wish he'd said a bit more about how age/life stage impacts one's views of regret。 。。。more
Lindsay
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I adore all things Daniel Pink。 I haven't read a book of his yet that hasn't had insights I've immediately implemented into my life。 That being said:Read this book。 Study it。 Internalize it。 Use it。 It's powerful and relatable and humanizing in a way that is much needed right now--and perhaps always has been。 I swear his stuff should be required reading。 I adore all things Daniel Pink。 I haven't read a book of his yet that hasn't had insights I've immediately implemented into my life。 That being said:Read this book。 Study it。 Internalize it。 Use it。 It's powerful and relatable and humanizing in a way that is much needed right now--and perhaps always has been。 I swear his stuff should be required reading。 。。。more
Tracy
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This was such a nice read。 I loved reading the regrets from people around the world and I also really enjoyed learning about how to deal with regrets。 This is one everyone would benefit from reading as everyone has something in their life that they regret。 This might help you to deal with that regret in a positive way。
Molly Henry
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Interesting read for sure with a couple of good lessons。 Reads like a psychology book looking at a lot of studies that have happened over time in this area。 Highlights the importance of human connections and not letting little arguments turn into life changing feuds。
Bryan
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I wish I had read this book sooner， but at least I could read it now。
Marianne
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I found this book to be well-written and helpful。 I wish this book had been in my hands a few decades ago。 Informative and enjoyable！
Christie Bane
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This is a short but thought provoking book。 Most people have regrets， and this book explains how regret can be useful in helping to make future decisions。 It also explains how， if you’re bogged down by regret， you can soften that feeling by what he calls “At Least” thinking。 （“I went to the wrong college， but at least I met my spouse there” etc。） Useful stuff although I myself truly don’t believe I regret anything。 I think I usually made the best choice I could have based on the information I ha This is a short but thought provoking book。 Most people have regrets， and this book explains how regret can be useful in helping to make future decisions。 It also explains how， if you’re bogged down by regret， you can soften that feeling by what he calls “At Least” thinking。 （“I went to the wrong college， but at least I met my spouse there” etc。） Useful stuff although I myself truly don’t believe I regret anything。 I think I usually made the best choice I could have based on the information I had at the time， so don’t waste a lot of time wishing I had chosen differently。 And as for moral regrets， well， I just don’t have those at all， for better or for worse。 。。。more
Alanna
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A few interesting insights， but I think they could have been better organized in a small brochure or poster rather than a book。 A lot of excess explanations。Also， there’s a lot repeated information that I have heard from other authors or podcasters （e。g。 comparison of silver and bronze medalists I learned about from Dr。 Laurie Santos or the difference between maximizers and satisficers I learned from Logan Ury）。
Gita
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“We need the ability to regret our poor decisions—to feel bad about them—precisely so we can improve those decisions in the future。”。This book shows that the regret is a maker of a healthy， maturing mind。 When we handle it properly， regret can make us better。 It improves our decision making skill， boost our performance and bring greater meaning to our life。 Some of the parts in the books felt redundant and not really ‘ground-breaking’。 But， I love Pink’s writing style so much that I felt highly “We need the ability to regret our poor decisions—to feel bad about them—precisely so we can improve those decisions in the future。”。This book shows that the regret is a maker of a healthy， maturing mind。 When we handle it properly， regret can make us better。 It improves our decision making skill， boost our performance and bring greater meaning to our life。 Some of the parts in the books felt redundant and not really ‘ground-breaking’。 But， I love Pink’s writing style so much that I felt highly entertained reading a nonfiction book :）。 I recommend this book to any self-help fans。 。。。more
HF
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audiobook via Libby app
♡ The Golden Booklover ♡
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🥀 🍂 🍁 🍂 🥀 🥀🍂 Non， rien de rien。 Non， je ne regrette rien。 C’est payé， balayé， oublié。 Je me fous du passé。 No， nothing at all。 No， I regret nothing at all。 It’s paid， swept away， forgotten。 I couldn’t care less about the past。🥀🍂 “Every single decision brought me to where I am right now and made me who I am，” she told me。 That’s the upside of regret。🥀🍂 “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket。”🥀🍂 Regrets are part of life。 We all have something we wish we had done differently—or some action w 🥀 🍂 🍁 🍂 🥀 🥀🍂 Non， rien de rien。 Non， je ne regrette rien。 C’est payé， balayé， oublié。 Je me fous du passé。 No， nothing at all。 No， I regret nothing at all。 It’s paid， swept away， forgotten。 I couldn’t care less about the past。🥀🍂 “Every single decision brought me to where I am right now and made me who I am，” she told me。 That’s the upside of regret。🥀🍂 “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket。”🥀🍂 Regrets are part of life。 We all have something we wish we had done differently—or some action we wish we had taken or not taken。🥀🍂 People do indeed regret a lot of stuff—family relationships， romantic choices， career moves， educational paths， and more。🥀🍂 Being unfaithful to my wife and justifying it selfishly by convincing myself she was the problem is my biggest regret。🥀🍂 In the end， the problem we contend with as people is remarkably simple。 What give our lives significance and satisfaction are meaningful relationships。 But when those relationships come apart， whether by intent or inattention， what stands in the way of bringing them back together are feelings of awkwardness。 We fear that we’ll botch our efforts to reconnect， that we’ll make our intended recipients even more uncomfortable。 Yet these concerns are almost always misplaced。 Sure， we’ll get rebuffed sometimes。 But more often—much more often， in fact—we overestimate how awkward we’ll feel and underestimate how much others will welcome our overtures。 So， this simple problem has an even simpler solution。 Shove aside the awkwardness。🥀🍂 The lesson of closed doors is to do better next time。 The lesson of open doors is to do something now。 If a relationship you care about has come undone， place the call。 Make that visit。 Say what you feel。 Push past the awkwardness and reach out。 。。。more
Joni Greenwell Bycroft
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There are 4 catagories of regrets -1） Foundation regrets 。。。 "If only I'd done the work。" 2） Boldness regrets 。。。 "If only I'd taken the risk。" 3） Moral regrets 。。。 "If only I'd done the right thing。" 4） Connection regrets 。。。 "If only I'd reached out。" I love that Daniel Pink gave an outline of resolutions to the regrets too。 There are 4 catagories of regrets -1） Foundation regrets 。。。 "If only I'd done the work。" 2） Boldness regrets 。。。 "If only I'd taken the risk。" 3） Moral regrets 。。。 "If only I'd done the right thing。" 4） Connection regrets 。。。 "If only I'd reached out。" I love that Daniel Pink gave an outline of resolutions to the regrets too。 。。。more
Komi Amegblenke
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Honestly， this book was a huge let down。 I don't know why i keep reading these self help books hoping to actually learn something that I could reasonably apply to my life。 We all have regrets， that's a given， but spending the time to look back seems like it'd really harm ones way of life。 But I may just be saying this because honestly my regrets in life haven't gotten to the point in which I'm looking back and wanting to change anything。 I'm frugal and have lost many dates because of it， I'm oka Honestly， this book was a huge let down。 I don't know why i keep reading these self help books hoping to actually learn something that I could reasonably apply to my life。 We all have regrets， that's a given， but spending the time to look back seems like it'd really harm ones way of life。 But I may just be saying this because honestly my regrets in life haven't gotten to the point in which I'm looking back and wanting to change anything。 I'm frugal and have lost many dates because of it， I'm okay with that。 I don't want to change myself。 I have shitty tattoos that i rushed to get without much thought， i think about it from time to time but honestly， i just have to live with it。 I'm curious how much these regret samples are truly eating people inside or if people came up with these examples （which probably happened in their lives） just to get into a book。 I'm a skeptic as you can see。 However， I will be start to journal weekly， if not more because it's been proven to help。 One part of the story that really threw me off was the example about second guessing yourself。 He stated that often times going with our instincts was the right way and used credible sources then immediately nixes those claims saying that going with your second choice can improve your scores on test， etc。 But immediately afterwards goes back on it。 Weird stuff。 If you'd like a summary of how to handle regret， here you go:WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR REGRETS: A RECAP For an Action Regret Undo it。 Apologize， make amends， or try to repair the damage。 At Least It。 Find the silver lining: think about how the situation could have turned out worse and appreciate that it didn’t。 For Any Regret （Action or Inaction） Self-disclosure。 Relive and relieve the regret by telling others about it—admission clears the air—or by writing about it privately。 Self-compassion。 Normalize and neutralize the regret by treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend。 Self-distancing。 Analyze and strategize about the lessons you’ve learned from the regret by zooming out in time， in space， or through language。 To Use Anticipated Regrets in Your Decision Making: Satisfice on most decisions。 If you are not dealing with one of the four core regrets， make a choice， don’t second-guess yourself， and move on。 Maximize on the most crucial decisions。 If you are dealing with one of the four core regrets， project yourself to a specific point in the future and ask yourself which choice will most help you build a solid foundation， take a sensible risk， do the right thing， or connect with others。 。。。more
Gian Luca
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I didn’t understand the book。 I didn’t see any good reasons to dwell on your actions after a long period of time when there’s nothing that you can do about。 I think it’s a form of self flagellation that it’s not positive thinking。
Grant Keegan
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